1. People & Relationships
Cherie Burbach

Making Time Versus Having Time

By November 23, 2012

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Let's talk about time, because that's a subject you're going to hear a lot about over the next couple of months.

I get a lot of questions like this from you guys:

"My friends never have time for me. I have to put in all the effort."

I think these one-sided friendships are becoming more and more common. But the difference is not that some friends are more busy than others. The difference is that some friends make time while others don't.

There aren't people who magically have time to spend with friends. They make time.

A lot of people love to talk about how busy they are. The kids keep me so busy! My career keeps me so busy! We'd love to come over but we're so busy.

But those same people who can't find time to call up friends, can't find time to go over to a friend's house, certainly can find that person's phone number when they need something. Did you ever notice that? If they have a request, or are having a party and want you to come over there, or need a favor, they know how to pick up the phone and dial.

These people behave badly with friends. They're concerned about their own schedule, and I hear it from so many of you. You're trying to be good friends yourselves and yet the people you're calling friends are behaving like this. What can you do?

There are some people who are just not self-aware and honestly believe they're being a good friend. The reality is, they aren't. They don't know how to be. If you try to talk to them, they tell you once again how busy they are. Right?

Forgive them. But move on from them. Don't put all the effort into a friendship that, because when you actually need a true blue friend, they won't be there. Instead, focus on finding quality friends who are more like you. They are out there! Never give up on that fact.

As we move forward with the holidays now, don't get discouraged by people who are self-centered and clueless. Forgive them, but focus the bulk of your attention on someone else. Put your effort into making new friends. Into volunteering. Eventually, you will find quality people to surround yourself with. It takes time. I know that. It can be discouraging. But don't give up. When you're a good friend, you will find other good friends who will make time to be with you.

Related: Being Too Busy for Friends | How Social Networking Hurts Friendships

November 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm
(1) Joanne Allton says:

Hello dear Cherie,

Thought your words of forgiving them as they are not self aware are positive, and enabling to not cumbersome oneself with friends that sap away our energies.

November 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm
(2) Delores says:

Hi i like this subject of friends taking out time,you know i find myself in a rut this time of the year,i take out time for people who i thought was friends but they are always busy,until they need a favor,they even seem to forget to invite me over for the holidays but want to know what i am cooking,i have even been told by a friend that he or she is not doing anything for Thanksgiving but i find out they entertain everyone but me,OH after 2 days i was asked did i want what was leftover,i was insulted,I really don’t know if i can recover from this one because everytime i get a friend it seems i find the wrong ones,i think i am just better off not making friends

November 27, 2012 at 11:23 am
(3) friendship says:

I can relate! This has happened to me, too. But don’t give up on friends! It just feels that all the people you’re meeting are selfish and rude. Trust me, there are others just like you who want a good friendship. You just have to keep meeting people, and eventually you will find a kind person just like you who wants to be a real friend.

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