1. People & Relationships
Cherie Burbach

She Has a Best Friend That Isn't Me

By January 16, 2013

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Recently jordan123 wrote in with this question:

I have a best friend and she is a completely different person then what I expect her to be. I know she won't change, and I try not to push her to. In fact, given that we are different ages and live different lives, it's hard to believe that the girl who is my best friend has been my friend at all despite our differences.

I feel like we are in different worlds and at most times, we will never understand each other as other best friends should. In her world, she has another best friend.

Her other best friend and I get along fine, but there are also some times when I feel like her top priority is her other best friend. I'm not going to be selfish and say that I can only be her best friend but it's hard to deal with this kind of situation.

Call it selfishness, being insecure, or even jealousy but I'm just not sure what to do. So I guess I should rather ask, how should I take this situation?


Thank you jordan123 for asking this. Here's the bottom line: you can't force someone to be your friend or your best friend.

You can't expect someone who already has a best friend to suddenly be yours. You can still be friends and do things together, but if she has one special friend that she spends a lot of time with, you need to find your own best friend.

Rarely does one friend give us everything we need emotionally. It's a rare circumstance when we find a best friend who gets us completely and likes to do all the same things. If you don't have that, however, you can still be fulfilled with a few different friends. The better the variety of people in your life, the more you'll have someone there when you want to hang out, discuss certain topics, go to dinner with, or the like.

What should you do? Don't put pressure on her if she can't do things when you want or be the person you want her to be. Accept her friendship for what it is, and make new friends so you can find someone that will fulfill the friend role that you most want.

Do you need friendship advice? Ask it using the friendship advice form and you may see your question here.

Related: One-Sided Best Friends | Is It Normal Not to Have a Best Friend?

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