1. People & Relationships
Cherie Burbach

Growing Apart? Or Is Your Friend Done?

By December 19, 2013

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friends-united.jpgClarissa recently asked:

"I have been in a friendship with a girlfriend for about 6 years. She saved my life one time, and we have had a nice friendship, except that I am the one who always does all the contacting, phoning and emailing and sms'ing her often to find out how she is, etc.

Sometimes she replies, sometimes not.

We see each other about once a month, we have a meal together or something for an hour or 2. Lately, in the last 3 weeks, she refuses to speak to me, return calls or sms's or emails, and I really don't know what is going on with her.

Have we just grown apart, or do you think she wants to end the friendship (for whatever reason), and
doesn't want to confront me with it or talk about it? Pls help, I'm confused!

Thanks!"

Clarissa, many of us have had an experience like yours.

I'd say that because you've done the majority of calling and emailing, your friend is either used to you making all the effort, or that your friend doesn't think of you as close of a friend as you do. Your friend expects you to keep in touch, so they make no effort.

However, since your friend has not returned calls or emails in three weeks, I'd say that they are probably not interested in continuing the friendship. You'll never know why unless they decide to be honest with you, but perhaps they don't even know themselves. They are certainly behaving badly by not responding to you, which leads me to believe they are not as good of a friend as you are.

If you really want to know why your friend has decided to pull away from the friendship, send one final email that says:

"I've enjoyed your friendship and still consider you a close friend, but I'm confused by your lack of response to my calls and emails. I'll assume that you no longer want to be friends, but if I'm wrong please let me know. If I don't hear from you, I wish you the best."

Then, leave them alone. You've wished them the best and told them you'd like to hear from them, but that's all you can do. After that, move on by finding new friends and putting this friendship behind you.

Related: Signs Your Friendship Is Ending | How to Break Up With a Friend

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Comments
December 4, 2012 at 1:07 am
(1) Delores says:

I know my friendship is ending because i saw the signs months ago,this person i thought was a true friend have shown me time and time again that the friendship is hopeless i have talk with her several times now and she talks around the conversation never giving me a straight answer so i am backing away gently,she seems to want to be friends with me when her other running buddies are not available but soon as she goes to church,to the market, malls,out to eat,i am suddenly invisible ,wow that really hurts me but she dismisses it like it’s okay,no more i am done with friendships,they are too painful,thanks for reading

December 4, 2012 at 10:30 am
(2) friendship says:

Delores,
It’s very painful when a friend treats us that way. I think there are many of us that can relate. (I certainly can too!)

But don’t give up on friendships in general just because one or two people don’t know how to be friends. There are others out there who are looking for loyal, positive friends just like you. Keep looking for them, and be open to new opportunities who may come your way.

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