1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Do Your Friends Dump You When They Date Someone New?

Choosing a Boyfriend Over a Friend

By

Two friends looking at clothes outside store
altrendo images/Stockbyte/Getty Images

Question: Do Your Friends Dump You When They Date Someone New?

Sometimes people think friends are only useful when they are lonely, but when they meet a new romantic interest they ignore their pals. Is this normal? Should you be offended if this happens to you?

Answer:

It's natural for your friend to get excited about a new love interest, and therefore devote most of their free time to them in the beginning. However, like anything in life, balance is the key. So if your friend is consistently dumping you (meaning that they no longer return calls, can't be bothered to reply to text or email, or even standing you up) when they meet someone new, this is a problem. Your friend should be able to date their new guy or girl and still make time for friends.

When a New Romantic Relationship Begins

Cut your friend some slack during the early stages of a new relationship. After all, it takes time for love to build, and sometimes that means spending time alone with their guy or girl. However, your friend should never:

  • Completely blow you off for previously made plans.
  • Refuse to answer your efforts at communication (text, email, phone, Facebook).
  • Get angry with you for trying to get in touch.

In short, your friend shouldn't completely abandon their previous life in order to spend time in their new relationship. Your friend will probably spend more time than usual with their new love, but they should still be able to maintain a healthy friend/life balance.

Is There a Pattern?
If your friend completely forgets who you are when they are in a relationship, but comes crawling back each time they're single again, that's a problem. In that case your friend is displaying a pattern of bad friend behavior, and showing that the friendship really isn't a priority in their life. Again, there may be times when you're busy and can't get together as often, but you should still be able to communicate in some way and make plans for a future friendship date.

People who use friends as "something to do" until they meet a romantic partner are missing out on a very important part of their emotional life. In the long run, they are ones that will lack the balance and support that friendship can give.

Even with that, it hurts when a friend turns their back on you. So if this person has done it before and you see another similar episode about to happen, talk to your friend. Tell them that your friendship is important to you, and that you don't want it to end just because they are in a relationship. Let them have the "new and in love" time away at the beginning, but if you see that your friend is drifting away from you again, talk about your feelings. Your friend may not realize that what they are doing is a bad thing.

Know When to Leave the Friendship

Choosing to let friends go is never an easy thing. If your friend has consistently shown you that they will leave you high and dry whenever a new love comes calling, it may be time to walk away. Before you do, make sure they understand why you feel this way. If they are sensitive to your feelings and are willing to change, give them a second chance. But if not, they probably weren't that great of a friend to begin with. Sometimes we give people the benefit of the doubt and immediately think of them as our friend, when they perhaps don't feel the same way. Maybe they are using you, or maybe they just don't know how to be a friend. Either way, wish them the best and mean it, and then return to the people in your life who do treat you well.

 

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.