This is Part 1 of a 4 part online course. Learn more about the structure, length, and overview of this course.
Four Weeks to Work Through Conflict With a Friend: Part 1
If you and your friend have just had a really big fight, take heart. Fighting doesn't mean your friendship is over. In fact, arguments often mean that the two of you feel so passionately about your friendship that you want to make it the best you can be. Unfortunately, people don't always communicate that message when they fight.
Over the next four lessons, a series of articles will help you and your friend work through your recent argument.
What Is the Fight Really About?
Sometimes it's obvious what you're fighting about. Something happens, and it causes a shift in your friendship that ends in a fight. If that's that case, take a look at things from your friend's perspective. If they were offended by what you did, understand how it looked to them, and how you might have reacted if the same thing had happened to you.
If you were the one upset about what happened, take a step back and determine why this has bothered you so much. Some questions to ask:
- Is this an issue that has come up repeatedly in our friendship?
- Does my friend seem to lack awareness when it comes to my feelings?
- Is my friend purposely trying to hurt me?
- Am I jealous of my friend?
- Am I angry over a previous event that we never worked through?
Dig deep to figure out why you're upset. If there doesn't seem to be a single reason for why you're fighting, it may have been coming for a long time. Sometimes the small things we choose to overlook rear their heads later on, and attach themselves to other things that occur. This is when you have a lot of anger over what seems like a small thing, but in reality is a larger argument that has just been waiting for the opportunity to present itself.
You can't talk about an argument until you know what it's really about. Discovering the true reason for your feelings will also help clarify things for your friend, who may be confused as to why you are angry.
Do you need some help figuring out why you're angry? Feel free to visit the Friendship Forum, where you can get opinions from our readers and experts.
Go to Part 2 >>
Four Weeks to Work Through Conflict With a Friend
Introduction
Part 1: What Is the Fight Really About?
Part 2: How to Discuss the Situation Calmly and Rationally
Part 3: How to Apologize (or Accept an Apology) So You Can Move Forward
Part 4: Nurture Your Friendship So You Have Less Conflict Going Forward
