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When Your Friend Hides a Secret From You

Friends Who Are Secretive

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Has your friend been hiding something from you? Secrets in general can rip apart a friendship for a variety of reasons. Perhaps you feel slighted that your friend didn’t trust you. On the other hand, you might look at your friend differently after you learn about the secret.

When You Know About a Secret That Your Friend Has Not Shared

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It's interesting how word travels about certain things, so you might have already heard about your pal's secret. If that's the case, it may feel like a betrayal that your friend hasn't shared it with you yet. But be patient with your friend and try not to take it personally. There could be a host of reasons why they haven't spilled the details on their secret. Among them:

  • The secret you've heard isn't entirely accurate.
  • Your friend is embarrassed.
  • Your friend doesn't realize that other people know about their secret.
  • Your friend doesn't trust you.

Holding back on a secret can prove a turning point in a friendship. If your friend trusts you and shares it, it's likely you two will become closer. If not, it may cause a rift.

Secrets Can Highlight Trust Issues in a Friendship

If you feel that your friend is holding out on you because they simply do not trust you to be discreet, it's time to take a look at your past behavior. Have you given your friend a reason to doubt you? If you've made a habit of gossiping about your friend, then you are probably going to be the last person they will trust with a secret. The only way to build up trust again is to prove that you have what it takes to be a great friend.

Confronting Your Friend About Their Secret

If you feel your friend's secret is destructive (they are having an affair, gambling), you can approach the subject with them gently. Be patient when you confront your friend and make sure that your motivation centers around kindness rather than trying to "call them out" on their secret.

Start by telling them you care about them and are concerned, and go from there. If your friend is open to talking about things, great. If not, you might need to back off until they are ready. If your friend's secret is not destructive, leave it to them to bring it up. Again, their reasons for hiding it may have nothing to do with you.

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