The parental bond will always be there, but as we get older, many of us would like to become closer with our moms and dads. A friendship with your parents can deepen your relationship and make you appreciate them in a whole new way. This may take some time, especially if your relationship isn't the best but with a little patience and some of the following tips, you can become friends with your parents.
Work Through Past Scars and Negativity
If you have childhood issues caused by your parents, you'll need to work through these before you can ever really be on friendly terms. However, it is very possible to put the past behind you so you can be free and forgive your parents. Forgiveness is an important element here, because without it the past will manifest itself in the present day as anger and hurt. It's hard to be friends with someone when you can't get over the way things used to be.
If your parents have changed and the problems of the past are ancient history, you'll have an easier time forgiving because your parents are not doing the same things to cause you pain. In this case, put your trust in the fact that the past was a different time, and the problems that occurred are behind you. Discuss your feelings with your parents so they can explain their side of things and apologize for your hurt. Then, move on without fear that the same things will occur in the future.
If your parents are still behaving as they did before, you'll need to discuss this so you and your parents can move on from it. Be gentle as you bring up the subject, and seek out counseling to help you better deal with the emotional fallout if things do not go well.
Develope Shared Interests With Your Parents
If you have had a generally good relationship with your folks over the years, you'll have an easier time getting to friendship. Sometimes parents and children naturally become friends as the children get older and begin to experience some of the same life choices, such as marriage and children.
Other times, however, parents and children haven't had a chance to bond as adults. Perhaps they don't share the same interests or just never approached their relationship from the standpoint of friendship. It's an adjustment that takes some time, but can happen.
Finding common interests works best if you:
- Focus on things you can reach middle ground on. If one of you loves running, while the other is a couch potato, for example, you could go for walks together instead.
- Avoid giving too much attention to the differences between you. Turn the focus off of discussions on politics, religion, or certain life choices if those subjects are ones you are completely opposite on. There are going to be things you both just disagree on, and that's okay.
- Go outside your comfort zone. If each of you take a step toward the other person's interests, you'll both experience new activities and hobbies while you develop the friendship bond.
- Don't try to change each other. The point is becoming friends, not turning your parents into someone else.
- Focus on the present. If you want your parents to look at you as a friendship equal, you'll need to talk about things that are relevant to today, rather than things that have gone on in the past.
Have a Positive Friendship With Your Parents
Becoming friends with your parents should be a positive experience overall. If you're unsure how to begin, start by expressing your interest in a friendship with them. Hearing you say that you desire this change in your relationship will probably make them feel good, and as a result they'll be more willing to work toward friendship.
There will be times when you'll need to speak to your parents as friends, rather than as their children. This can be a difficult thing for parents to hear, so be patient with them and as gently honest as you can be. It's okay to say, "I'm talking as a friend right now," or "I'd like you to look at me as your friend right now as well as your daughter" if you feel the conversation needs this distinction. Your parents will always require your respect, but you can reach a new level of communication and appreciation by developing a peer relationship as well.
A friendship with your parents will not be the same type of relationship that you have with other friends. For example, you may do different things together to spend time. You might share stories and experiences with them differently than you do other friends you have. No two friendships are alike, so accept the friendship for what it is, and consistently work to make it worthwhile for both you and your parents.
