From the article: How to Deal With a Friend Who Has Cheated
Did you find out about a friend's infidelity, or have that person confide in you? Did it change your friendship? Share your tips for how you handled things. Share Your Experience
Been through this :(
- It's rough. When I was in my second year of collage, I had an older friend who was about thirty. She called me on the phone one day and told me to come over because there was an emergency. I came over right away to find her sitting on the couch holding hands with a man that was NOT her husband. I asked her what was going on and she said," I'd like you to meet my boyfriend." And," it wasn't an emergency but I knew you'd never come if u told you what was really going on. I walked right out the door and never spoke to her again.
- —Guest Braveheart
It only ends badly
- I moved State a year ago, within a few weeks of moving, I met a really nice married lady at a mothers group and we became very close friends. Unfortunately a few months ago, she went through a very rough patch and cheated on her husband. She told me about the affair and whilst I didn't condone her behavior, I had been through something similar myself in the past and so I supported her none the less. Within a few weeks her behavior was becoming increasingly erratic and she was putting herself into dangerous situations with men. I warned her many times to stop but she didn't listen. Her husband recently discovered her infidelity after she ended up ina psych ward. They seem to be trying to work on their marriage, but she is now too ashamed to talk to me and he knows I knew of her infidelity and doesn't want her to hang out with me. He sees me as a bad influence. I'm shattered, not only have I been put through the ringer emotionally, I've now been made a scapegoat and lost a close friend.
- —Guest Sweedot
Turmoil between Two Best Friends
- Well, recently my friend cheated on her boyfriend (he's also my best friend) before admitting to me she kept on begging me to forgive her though I told her I would always forgive her anything she does, well she did 'it' with her ex which her boyfriend claimed the condom might be expired which means she might be pregnant, I'm really disappointed at her but I'm still going to be there for her.
- —Guest Alex
- My best mate began an affair while his wife was pregnant with their third child. Nobody knew, so it was a surprise when he announced he was separating from his wife, three months after the baby was born. He assured everyone that they had just fallen out of love, the decision was mutual, their was no-one else. It all came out that Christmas when his wife found a trail of emails going back 9 months between him and the other woman. I had spent the last 3 months supporting him, trying to get him through what I though was a difficult time. When I found out about the affair, I was shattered, he had lied and deceived everyone. His plan was to continue the affair in secret for a year, then introduce us to this woman he "just met". I called him on it, I was in a rage. We haven't spoken in almost a year, and I don't ever expect to speak to him again. He is a failed individual, a failed man. He now lives with the woman and her two kids, and contributes almost nothing to his first family.
- —Guest hesamaggot
- My best friend is currently having an affair. I have been open and honest with her that, while I love and support her and her development as a person, I do not support the affair. It makes it more difficult that I care very much about her husband, who has been a friend for years. Prior to the affair, she had few complaints about her husband and children. Since she started seeing her lover, she complains to me about her family daily. She is changing quickly and I am trapped between wanting to be the loving, supporting friend I have always been to her and disliking the person she is being in this situation. Currently she is angry with me for advising her to leave her lover and work out her challenges with her husband, family and her therapist. I have suddenly become the enemy. There is not much that can prepare you for this situation. We can only see where the future goes.
- —Guest Rose
Confusion for all
- My former friend and co-worker cheated with my boyfriend for over a year before I knew anything. Now I don't talk to her, but she and I share one mutual friend and lately it has been rough. This friend doesn't talk about this situation with her or me, but she has hung out with her and my ex when they were together after I found out. It is just a weird thing to have going on. Of course she can choose who to be friends with, but I would be really wary of spending time with someone who would do that to someone else. I guess I just don't understand it, but oh well.
- —Guest willowme
- Yeah, this has happened to me. My friend was cheating on her husband, and giggling to me about it like she was really getting away with something. She was my friend but I knew both of them. So sad. I was really stunned, didn't know what to do. She was like in a different world or something... didn't want to listen to reason and wouldn't hear me out. Just wanted to blab to me like I was supposed to be impressed with her affair. It was awful. We never had a real fight over it, but it certainly changed our friendship. I try and avoid her now, even years after the affair.