I was watching The Real Housewives of New York City (RHONY) the other night, and noticed that Carole Radziwill said that LuAnn de Lesseps ("the Countess") was a friend jumper. I liked this term, as it's similar to friend thief, but goes beyond that to essentially try and benefit as much as you can from a friend's connections. Now, did de Lesseps really do this? We don't know. But let's talk about term some more.
Radziwill used this term to a designer friend who she had recommended to de Lesseps. Essentially, she was doing de Lesseps a favor by "setting her up" with a connection with her designer friend. Radziwill's beef with de Lesseps is that instead of being gracious, she went a step too far and asked for free clothing.
I agree, if this is the case, it's bad friendship. Even if their friendship is casual (or manufactured by a reality TV show), you don't ask for favors the minute that someone introduces you to a friend of theirs. You take time and get to know them, or you buy their stuff (in this case) but you don't ask for freebies.
The danger with being a "friend jumper" is that you'll be viewed as someone not sincere with people, and as a result, potential new friends will avoid you. Not just that, but existing friends may wonder if you've tried to get something off of one of their connections as well.
Related: Social Grace | Being Self Aware | The Golden Rule
I really enjoyed this article!
Not only is Friend Jumping for the purpose of getting things from the new friend but I have found in NYC especially; You have to be careful who you introduce to one another. I have made the mistake of introducing my guy friends to my female friends, they hook up then Im out a girlfriend either out of embarrassment or out of fear of possibly running into the guy friend if she now hangs out with me. Same goes with introducing my girl friends to other girl friends then within days finding yourself stumbling upon outings or lunches that you knew nothing about but that friend A & friends B were at. When confronted; they say some lame excuse like “ow your always working & we figured you wouldnt be able to come!” Sure I do work way more then them but I still would have liked to have been invited! But to have a sense of exclusion & since there is absolutely no way on earth to intelligently or adult like voice your feelings about this you are left with just a sick feeling in your stomach all on your own. Am I the only one that feels this way? Am I selfish, jealous or being unreasonable that I prefer for my social groups not to mix & mingle without me? Please tell me Im not alone here?
No, Christina you are not alone. I feel weird when it happens to me. It’s almost like there should have been a greater since of loyalty. But we’re adults now so you can’t be bratty. But I don’t care, I don’t like when it happens-adult or not.
I think LuAnn was called Friend Jumper unfairly. She said that she was going to be in a magazine and offered to wear her dress. I agree in this situation she should have allowed the designer to offer.
This can be a thin line and confused as networking. If a person asks for a favor without offering a mutual favor in return then this is inappropriate.
I love the arts and go to several events alone because my circle of friends are not interested. If I meet a friend of a friend that also enjoys the arts then I would see nothing wrong with inviting this person to join me.