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Readers Respond: How I Dealt With Getting Left Behind

Responses: 89

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From the article: When Friends Exclude You
Has a friend purposely left you out of activites? How did you deal with the situation?

Entirely Replaced

My so-called 'best friend' replaced me with someone else. I know exactly how you feel, love. I've been excluded, left out of plans, and when I do find out about plans, they are very reluctant about allowing me to go. All you really can do is go find some new friends, some who will treat you with respect and the kindness you deserve.
—Guest Guest

EXCLUDED

Hi, I know how you all feel. I went to a university. There are just 5 girls in the class including me. Everything started out well until we moved to other country to continue our degree. The 5 of us live in the saame house. Since we live in the same house, I felt they've been treating me so badly. I tolerated it so many times. I thought i was the one that's being over sensitive. The thing is they always left me out. When they are planning to go somewhere, the 4 of them will just go without even considering to ask me. If they are planning to get together and eat, they will ask the other girls. Eventhough those girls are in the room sleeping, but not me. They certainly never ask me. They always leave me out. I don't know how to put up with this problem. I want to move out, but it's not a choice. I have to stay with them for another rough 8 months. I want to confront them but i just don't know how to do that. They know they don't like me. I know it too. But yet we keep pretending
—alexaasn91

I don't know what to do, I just leave it

i fell out with my best friend last year, and we are friends now but she turned everyone against me, so now i dont have many people who i can class as friends. I'm going on a school trip in May, and everyone seems to have a partener to sit with, and a group to go round with. I have asked may people but they all say the same thing! I dont know what to do:( at school i just sit there, on my phone, and barely anyone speaks to me. it does upset me.
—Guest hi:)

Its OK

Lots of times my friends go out have sleepovers call eachother and make plans without me. But sometimes they hang out with me just because they have nothing better to do. At my school I am the one is considered wierd. I sit a lunch tables with some friends at school sometimes them though. Yesterday My friends and me were invited to the "popular girls table" Were usually bullied by them but we said yes... except for me I went and sat with some boys who are bullied also. I had the best lunch ever. So don't be worried about what your friends do. Just try and stay happy (Without hurting anyone else)
—Guest Hang in there

It's ok

You have the same problem I'm having, you shouldn't try to talk to them. This causes problems, what you should do is keep spending time with them. Maybe face one of your biggest fears as in saying I will face my fears to keep being your friend. Being excluded might also cause you to feel bad about yourself. Don't. It's ok just spend time with them and remind them that you three are a team. And teams don't leave members behind, you complete their lives.
—Guest Laura

My friends are leaving me too

I had a best friend, but then someone else came along. I love them both, but they exclude me and whisper about me. They are always together and laughing about me, and it hurts so much! It doesn't help that one of them is really pretty and everyone loves her and she is stealing my best friend from me when she could have anyone. Don't get me wrong, they are both awesome, but they leave me out too much... What should I do?
—Guest :( depressed

Am I good enough?

So basically I'm in my first year of highschool and I have known these two girls name Maria and Ashley since almost my whole life but I became best friends with them in 6th grade. Now that wee entered highschool, everything changed. Schedules are different and we all have different classes. Maria and Ashley made new friends and now all of a sudden they forget about me and believe that there "best friends" with this girl they just met this year. At first I thought "it okay, it's not like they forgot about you or anything" but now things are going to far. Their new friend invites them to places and to her birthday party and all I see are pictures of them on Instagram having fun while I'm in my room studying or reading a book. Ever since I was a little kid, I never had "best friends" , I was more into hanging out with guys and making then my close friends but now I don't know what to do since I'm very shy and I blush (get red cheeks) very easily. Hopefully they understand that I need them
—Guest VAMA

:'(

So I'm a guy and my best friend is a girl and one of my older friends who I have been friends with for a long time just out of no were started talking to my best friend and now they are always texting one another And hanging out together and I'm just left wondering what I did wrong to not get invited to anything they do. Then when they do want me to hangout with them its fun and all and they feel like real friends but after it just goes back to me being excluded and they obviously don't see the pain they are causing me. I've brought up the subject to both of them and after I brought it up they claim that I never want to do anything that they are doing and that I wouldn't like it...and they never ask me if I would like to join them...never ! So now they "SECRETLY" hang out And don't tell me about it And when I find out it hurts and I just don't understand why they do what they do :'( I don't have many friends really And if I lose them then I'll be alone and I'm Already alone :'(
—Guest Dandre

I am going through the same thing

I know exactly what you all are feeling, because I'm going through it right now. It sucks, and it hurts, and I don't know why it's happening, but I can't change it. I just hope that it will get better soon, because at the rate things are going now, it probably won't.
—Guest anonymous

Isolated

My two best friends have been leaving me behind and doing things without me. I get the feeling that they are trying to make me jealous on purpose- and if so, I don't know what I did wrong. I hardly have any friends, I don't want to be alone. They have eachothers names in their status' on blackberry messenger and not mine- and it makes me feel so excluded. I've known one of them for years, and the other one just moved to my school and they didn't even like eachother at first, they became close because of me.
—Guest Lily

EXCLUDED :'(

I've had two best friends since I was in 5th grade. Now we're in tenth grade and I feel like I'm excluded. Last week, they went out and they didn't even invite me. And while they were looking back at the photographs the other day, another friend asked why I wasn't with them, they simply shrugged it off and said 'She said she was grounded or something.' I was sitting right beside them at that time and I really felt upset that they lied about it when they didn't even ask me. I tried telling them several times that I feel left out but they were like 'I'm so sorry. I won't do that again.' But they keep going back to their usual selves. Now I feel really bad about being with them. :'(
—Guest M

Excluded

I had a group of friends and we started hanging out with this other guy and now everyone follows him and he thinks he is so cool he's my friend but I don't follow him and worship him like the others so he dosnt like me my best friend who has been my friend since kindy is now excluding me and telling him all his secrets and telling me none
—Guest James

Ignored and hurt

Me and my "best friend" have been friends since 2nd grade (currently in 7th grade) and we were so close and could trust each other so much. When I got into 6th grade I became very depressed and she started making rude and mean remarks to me ,but saying that she was just joking, this upset me a lot, but I didn't show the pain. This year she started to create ridiculous fights over stupid things, so we ended our friendship and after that all my other friends stated to ignore me except for a few. She started to insult me and talk behind my back, this drove me deeper in to the depression and I have no one. I try to ignore her, but It doesn't work because she makes sure I hear what she says and she knows I can't stand up for myself because I'm shy. I hate this :(
—Guest Akiko1996

Moving on?

My friend and I have been best friends since year 8, we tell each other everything, we go out together all the time and we have heaps of things in common, but now we're in year 10 and things have started to change. We don't have any classes together anymore so I understand that we don't get as much time to hang out together but she hasn't even been making the effort to talk to me at lunch. Instead she seems to have 'replaced' me with another girl who I am also friends with. They sit together at lunch and follow each other around and when my best friend is around this other girl it feels like I'm not even there, sometimes she just completely ignores me and doesn't even acknowledge when I try to make conversation. It's making things really awkward with my other friends as well and I feel like they're kind of ignoring me too. I've started to constantly second guess myself and I wonder if I'm doing something to annoy them, but there's nothing I can think of. I just don't know what to do :(
—Guest Lonely

excluded

Two of my friends keeptalking to each other and leaving me out. I have been playing with other people and then they start talking behind me. They are always together! It makes me feel like I am a bad person when that happens. Sometimes I feel like crying.
—Guest B

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